Wifey Wednesday - Making Time For Each Other

Being married is hard work. Being married with a child - even harder and at this point in our lives, we only have one child.

As with most things in life, you do not realize just how hard something is until you are actually smack dab in the middle of it. Then, something causes you to pause for a moment and think - WOW! Man, yeah...you know this is really hard work. I thought we were just going to be sitting under a big shade tree having a picnic and gazing into each others eyes.

Jeff and I have been together for about 12 years and of those, we have been married almost 8. We were set up on a COMPLETELY blind date by friends who I will forever be indebted too. I went on the date because my girlfriends were going with their boyfriends and quite honestly - I just did not want to sit at home alone that night. All I knew about this guy was that he played baseball with the others and for those who know me - baseball players (really athletes of any kind, I do not discriminate) are my weakness. Jeff was just going because his buddy ask him too - guys are easy like that right?!

I was truly in one of those places in my life where I was all about single. I had just gotten out of a very intense relationship and was using the time to focus on myself. I had also just completed the best book I ever read as a single girl. My mom bought it for me after my previous relationship had ended and it really did change my persepective on everything when dealing with relationships. My only regret is not reading it sooner! This book is something I will pass along to Sophie one day.

Fun Fact - there is a CD with a very special song in the back of the book. The song talks about finding "the one". This song is what we danced to for our first dance as husband and wife.

http://www.amazon.com/When-Writes-Your-Love-Story/dp/1929125003

Other then the fact that he was 2 hours late for our group date (I later found out he had good reason), the night was perfect. At the end of the evening when he softly put his hand on my face to hold it as he kissed me - something clicked and deep down inside I knew this guy was something special and possibly my love story from God. I mean, the guy did put his hand on my face to kiss me - just like in the movies so of course I melted!!!

During our 4 years together (prior to marriage) with the exception of some short time periods here and there - the majority of our reltionship was long distance. Therefore, when we did have time together, we truly cherished it.

Now fast forward 8 years and we have crazy busy lives and a 3 year old daughter. It is amazing to me once again just how much our alone time together still means to me. However, when we have time together of any sort (which is usually spent hunkered down in front of the TV to watch/discuss some of our shows) it usually ends up with one of us snoring bc we are so exhausted. 

We are blessed with a wonderful marriage and are best friends but that will often get lost in the shuffle of day to day life. Then, when we do have free time on the weekends, all we want to do is spend that special time together as a family with our best girl.

Towards the end of last year, I started realizing that we are just not paying enough attention to each other. We take each other for granted, vent our frustration for other things towards each other, don't really focus on one another - things that we are all guilty of doing to our partner in the day to day rush of life. One evening I was thinking about how I was really feeling disconnected from Jeff and that is when I realized that we had not had a date night in months. And I mean months! Of course it is hard to find an available sitter (which would be one of our wonderful family members) and make all the arrangements but this had completely dropped off of our radar screen all together. Going into 2013 we decided to really make a conscious effort to change this and focus more on each other.

One of the ways we are trying to focus on each other more is by having a regular date night. Our goal is to have one once a month and just because we can't leave the house doesn't mean it can't happen. We had a date last month where we went all out while staying in for a movie night. We did all the refreshments just like we were at the theatre and even made it a point to sit right next to each other on the couch. Now you know this was REALLY hard to do bc this meant neither of us were able to sit in our "regular spots" (and yes, we are also those people at church with the "reserved" pews).

In addition, we are trying to make it a point to hug each other every day. That may sound odd but when we really stopped to think about it - it was something that was not happening that much. Sure, we would give kisses, lots of high fives (yes - that is how we roll), and those quick in and out hugs but nothing of quality. Now, we stop what we are doing and give a good solid hug for a few minutes. Sophie may be hanging at our feet or hollering at us from another room but we do not break from that moment. In that moment we are only focused on each other. That quality contact every day has really surprised me at how much it has made a difference and I still get those little butterflies when he holds me tight. Let me be the first to tell you - for something to sound so easy, when you are running around the house after work cooking, cleaning, getting clothes ready for the next day, bath time, bed time - that quality hug is a hard thing to squeeze in there but well worth it.

As parents, God has blessed us with the task of teaching our children 24/7. Sophie watches our actions towards one another and in the process of living day to day, we are teaching her about marriage. Our partnership is the base and core of how she will think and act towards marriage one day. Through me, she will learn about being a wife. Through Jeff she will build her expectations for how husband should behave. My wish for her is to be able to see God and through our life together and our love as husband and wife. By making that time for one another, no matter how hard it is to do, not only are we giving our marriage the fuel to keep the fire going, but we are also teaching Sophie about pure love ordained and blessed by our heavenly Father.